Peter Journal #4

The next question asked was “Whom do I need to forgive?”  I think that if you think long enough on this question you could come up a million answers.  But the one that leaps to mind immediately is a dear friend.  Or someone I had thought of as a dear friend.  I looked at our relationship as that of being sisters and then one day she decided that my reaction of disappointment when you took up smoking again was more than she could handle and we haven’t spoken since.  That hurt me more than anything in so long.  Over the tone of my voice and the encouragement I thought I had given her, our friendship ended.  It was like a raw wound for several months, but slowly it began to heal.  Unbeknownest to me a small edge of that scar was really a small infection of anger.  Anger that if she knew me so well, she would have understood my words.  Anger that she attributed characteristics to me that do not exist.  Anger that she would think that smoking would make me think less of her.  Anger that she never really gave me a chance to correct any wrongs.  Anger that it was in a way unresolved.

Forgive?  I guess I really need to truly forgive her.  That maybe there were other circumstances that I’m unaware of.  That maybe she was unaware of what she was really doing.  That maybe she needs to be in the desert awhile.  I need to forgive.  I need to be able to let it go and go on.  I thought that I had because I wasn’t dwelling on it any more.  Yet, I find myself thinking of it more and more lately.  Maybe I never did forgive.  Maybe I just recovered a little more.

The question of who to forgive is followed with another one (two for the price of one):  How can I follow Jesus’ example of love in this relationship?  First, I don’t need to retaliate.  To be honest I never had the desire to do that.  Next, I need to be able to receive her back with open arms if and when she decides to approach me again.  I need to continue to love her even while we don’t speak.  I need to keep her in my prayers and pray for her heart and protection for her life.